Doggie Depends


Look at me, Ma! No piddle messes.

The other day I was talking about incontinence with someone who shall remain nameless.(Oddly, incontinence has come up a couple times over the last few months. Even my boss, Dana, told me a story about a friend of hers with a dog that has an incontinence problem. It was sad. This story is sad in a different way.) So, I was chatting up incontinence with “Nancy”- I know this isn’t a spectacular topic, but we make due with the small talk we are given. This is how the conversation started… You be the judge of Nancy.

Nancy was telling me about her poor little Yorkie who she had to keep sequestered in the kitchen. She was really upset that Fluffy was getting so old and couldn’t be left to wander around the house to her own devices much longer. It was because old age had made Fluffy… drum roll please… INCOMPETENT. I was intrigued. Incompetence was a serious issue. I hate dumb dogs, and Nancy had to sequester hers in the kitchen to prevent it from doing stupid things around the house. Nancy continued on to explain that the incompetence was in the living room on her nice carpets- I was picturing this Yorkie tearing up the rugs. I would be pissed too. She said that the incompetence was easier to clean in the kitchen. I shrugged. You know, whatever. Not all people have kitchens like mine which is full of not doggie-friendly gadgets. I could only imagine the damage that could be caused by an idiot canine in my kitchen.

Finally, Nancy mentioned how much piddle messes she cleaned up daily. Piddle? Oh…wait. This is when I realized that Nancy was the incompetent one. So, I carefully (because I come off a tad know-it-allish) corrected her.

“Do you mean ‘incontinence?” I asked slowly.

“Yes, what have I been saying?”

“Incompetence…. I thought you had a terribly idiotic dog.”

“Oh, no. She pees and poops everywhere. That’s called incontinence?”

“Yup… It’s super easy to confuse the two, I suppose.”

Moral of the story: if you, or someone you know, is incompetent, please judge silently and have compassion for those who are “less smarter” than ourselves. Then, have a giant vat of wine to wash away the conversation.

For the Canine who wants style while piddling around the house… Doggie Depends

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